"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." — E.B. White
This quote pretty much sums it up for me. Everyday I have so many thoughts and plans running through my head and find it hard to go in one direction. I have so many projects that I am currently involved in and I always seem to get to a certain point, then something new will come into play, and despite my best intentions, those existing projects end up getting a bit neglected. It's hard to fully focus on one thing, but it's also hard to spread my focus amongst several things. And I think much of it has to do with the above statement...I can't seem to sort through my priorities when everything seems so important and I'm passionate about so much.
I'm certain many people think that I just lounge around all day while Jared is at work and do nothing. I have way too many thoughts and plans to simply be idle. I'm thankful that much of what I am trying to accomplish can be done from home. I don't get paid monetarily for it, but I am rewarded by knowing that my efforts are in some way helping lives. I may not be making news-worthy differences and I probably will never know many of the indirect ways that my actions or words have changed lives or impacted people but that's OK. I am not a glory seeker. I just want to know that I lived today the very best I could. I want to be certain that I didn't miss God's calling and that each day I fulfilled my daily purpose. My fear is that I won't spend my time wisely and that I won't fully enjoy the day God has given me.
We are not promised tomorrow or even a minute from this moment. When that thought is constantly in the forefront of my mind....just as this quote states...."it makes it hard to plan the day". However, it is comforting to know that God understands our hearts and sees our willingness to serve. It takes a little bit of the pressure off. He knows we can't possibly do it all, but a willing heart is all He asks of us. My desire for each day is to have a willing heart.